Where She Stands
by DizZyFiction
Summary: Monica's POV of Scully and how she makes it through season 9 post William. R&R please.


Summary: From Monica's POV, what Scully was going through while Mulder was in hiding during season 9, post William. Don't hate on the Avril lyrics. Just read and review please.

_I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,  
She felt it everyday.  
And I couldn't help her,  
I just watched her make the same mistakes again._

I know why she feels the way she does, but I don't know how she wakes up every morning. If I had had half the things that happened to her happen to me, I don't know if I would be able to. As a partner, I back her up in her fight to keep searching for the truth. As a friend I give her a shoulder to cry on when she is tired of fighting. For nine year she had fought for something she isn't even sure really exists. The only thing she is sure of anymore is that she has to do it for herself, and for the tow most important men that ever entered her life. Her son, and his father.

_What's wrong, what's wrong now?  
Too many, too many problems.  
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.  
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
It's where she lies, broken inside.  
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.  
Broken inside._

When it all gets to be too much, I can almost see her tearing apart at the seams. Her eyes can tell stories that words could never express. Personally, I can't believe she has held on for as long as she has. Losing so much and not letting it keep her down, I sometimes wonder if she has lost all sense of emotions. That is until I see her cry, then I know just like any other woman, or human for that matter, she has weaknesses. That comfort zone we all have has been completely stolen from her. William served as her only link to the man she loved, and then she had to give him up. This whole project has cost her more then she ever could have expected. Her spirit has been shaken, but her soul remains unstirred.

_Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.  
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.  
Be strong, be strong now.  
Too many, too many problems.  
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.  
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
It's where she lies, broken inside.  
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.  
Broken inside._

If John were ever taken from me, I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing. After making it through so much, I can see why she is so slow to give up hope. Until his abduction, she always had a partner to help solve the problems presented to her. She made it through his abduction with John, but let's face it, John really had no idea what was going on. There wasn't that mutual knowledge and understanding of the truth. Now, she finds herself in that same spot, alone, and even more broken then she was before.

_Her feelings she hides.  
Her dreams she can't find.  
She's losing her mind.  
She's fallen behind.  
She can't find her place.  
She's losing her faith.  
She's fallen from grace.  
She's all over the place._

Still, she keeps up her hard exterior. She teaches classes everyday like everything is fine. I believe the only thing that keep Dana going is the belief that one day, Fox Mulder will come back to her. If she were to stop believing that, I believe she would lose all hope. A hope of anything good ever coming from her life again. She wears that small gold cross so proudly, but I would need something more to keep me believing. I wish I could so easily be put at ease.

_She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
It's where she lies, broken inside.  
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.  
Broken inside._

At night when she turns the lights out and settles down, does her mind ever stop racing. There are some many unanswered questions. I don't know how she does it, but as long as she does, I know I'll be along for the ride.

_She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh  
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah_

Okay, so there it is. I just really wanted to write something with those lyrics. Some of them just acted as a muse for me. Please give feedback, good or bad. I thrive off of it!


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